The Demons keep winning.

My anxiety is not letting up, and is leaving me fatigued. My pains are also a concern, as they are far worse than usual. Watched 'Micro Men' on 'BBC 4' and found it interesting. Not only was it a nice play about the rival computer companies of 'Sinclair' and 'Acorn' in the early '1980's'. But it was also full of nostalgia and interesting titbits. I also saw 'The Untouchables' on 'Film 4', for the First time in years, and realised how good the film was. Great performances all round, and a lovely score by 'Morricone' ,make this a classic. On Saturday I watched 'Thunderbirds' on 'ITV'. As a 'Spy Kids' type movie., it is'nt too bad. But as a homage to the original TV series, it is'crap'. The 'Carling Cup' final on Sunday was a match well worth watching. I missed the First 20 mins, but was enthralled by the rest of it. It was nice to see a determined side like 'Birmingham', give everything to overcome 'Arsenal'. Was at the Sunday Quiz last night, and we came Third again with 60/70. Quiz league tonight, away at 'Lamb and Flag'. Might be a bit uncomfortable with travelling, but will try to enjoy it. I see 'Steve Davies' has announced he is gay. At First I thought it was the Snooker player, who never said he liked going for the 'Brown'. Then I found out it was the 'England' wicketkeeper for 'Cricket', who will now need a seperate changing room, and has seen the rest of the team ordering 'Slip On' shoes so they dont have to bend over.

Down Down Deeper and Down.

Monday saw a return to 'Quiz League' action, with an away trip to 'Bank House B'. They are bottom of the league, and we won 71-53. We are now joint 4th with 3 games to go. The only way we could finish 3rd is if we win all our remaining games, and 'Bank House A' lose there's. It is so tight 4th down to 7th, that we could finish 7th if we cock up. Went to see my folks on Tuesday, then returned home only to have the worst bout of anxiety for ages. If you are a sufferer. Then you know that occasionaly you can cope with light worry by perhaps watching a film of listening to jokes which cheer you up a little. The problem with severe Anxiety and Depression is that you cross a bottom line, which even if you hear better news, or solve a problem, you still have no instant 'that's a weight off my back' elation, because recovery can take days. The other problem is during the recovery, another even mild bout will knock you down to almost suicidal levels without it blinking an eye, which means you are pretty down most of the time. Pain levels are also a concern at the moment. It is if my Arthritis is metamorphasasising yet again into more sinister proportions.
I see another iconic figure from my younger days 'Nicholas Courtney' who played the 'Brigadier' in 'Dr Who' died yesterday.

Is anything on?

Went to visit my parents on Friday, followed by a good session on 'Gran Turismo 5'. It is so frustrating at times, both the game itself and when I have to reduce my playing time because of the pains in my hands. Saturday saw a visit to friends, followed by more 'GT5' and a couple more 'DVD' episodes of  the 'Double Deckers'. In these Two instalments. We see the gang make a 'Western' film for a competition, only for a poorly edited version to be shown for which they did win a prize for best 'comedy'. The other episode saw a series of 'capers' at the 'Elstree' film studios (where the actual show was filmed), chasing a runaway dog. It was then time to watch the Second half of 'Man Utd' reserves v 'Crawley' on 'ITV' in the 'FA Cup. Why do they always insist on showing 'Man Utd'?. I bet if 'Crawley' had been drawn against a lower team, then it would'nt have got a live airing. Not much else on, so I watched 'Aliens' the 'Extended cut' on 'Film 4'. I have seen this version many times, but not for ages, so I again found it enjoyable. It was, and still is a classic of the genre, and listed in my all time favourite top 'Sci Fi' films. Today saw a battle with pain and anxiety taking centre stage, but I did watch the 'Man City' v 'Notts County' 'FA Cup' Fourth round replay on 'ITV'. No Sunday Quiz this week, so am suffering 'Dancing on Ice'. Will probobly watch 'Hawaii 5 0' later, but not much else.

Literally not firing on all cylinders.

With the weekend consisting of a racing mind on top of the usual pain, and nothing much on the viewing front. It was a weekend to forget. I did visit friends on Sunday, and went to the usual Quiz in the evening. We finished 3rd out of 11 teams, which is just about OK, but we are usualy First or Second, so I think we are losing our touch a bit. 'Valentines Day', meant that there was no Quiz League due to the pubs serving extra meals. Perhaps they should award each match a score of 'Love all'. Went to 'Sutton' to meet my mate 'Chris' on Tuesday. I was'nt really up to it pain wise, but I struggled along, and it was nice to see him. Then that evening. My car threw a wobbly in the real sense. Upon starting. It juddered sharply, and a 'Yellow' light lit up my dashboard. The book said it was something to do with exhaust gasses, but in simpler terms it was misfiring. I managed to get the car to my cousins on Wednesday, but it was 'Kangaroo Petrol' all the way. He is a mechanic, and had the diagnostic equipment to check it over. He also had the correct part to replace the faulty One, so it was fixed much cheaper than at a garage.

Get on board.

Lost 83-73 at the 'Saracens' in the 'Quiz League', which was dissapointing. Had a terrible week pain wise, and my anxiety is creeping back to sinister proportions. To try and lift the gloom. I watched a couple of episodes of the 'Double Deckers' on 'DVD'. The First copy that my wife bought me for Christmas had disc 1 missing, on what is a Two disc set. She got it from 'Amazon', and they sent another complete copy in exchange for the faulty One which we have now sent back. I remember this show on its original broadcast in 1971, and had'nt seen it since 'ITV' repeated some episodes about 1988. The adventures of 'Scooper',Brains','Doughnut','Tiger','Sticks', 'Billie' and 'Spring' lasted for 17 episodes, and for its time was an expensive production especially for a 'childrens' show. Although I was only about 9 when it first came on, I had a crush on 'Gillian Bailey' who played 'Billie'. She would have been about 12 at the time, but she reminded me of a girl that I knew. The girl in question was 'Jackie Allen', who I always fancied, but she never gave me a second glance. She lived opposite my Uncles house, and my cousins played with her. She was'nt in my 'Junior' school, but was at the same 'comprehensive' later. She used to have fleshy coloured lips, like she was wearing the Pink lipstick that was worn in the 1960's. As we grew up, it was the mixed 'PE' lessons that saw her shine with natural beauty. Most of the Girls wore a 'Polo' top, and Blue 'Shorts'. She wore said top, but instead of 'Shorts', she wore those 'Swimming Trunk' like bottoms that some Female athletes still wear even now. These not only showed off her perfectly formed 'Arse', but the tight 'gusset' showed every contour of her 'Fanny'. I never got a look in as my 'Acne' was so bad, that I had a face like a 'Margaurita'. She did acknowledge me once, when both of our Mom's were in hospital at the same time and we were both visiting.
Back to the series. Episode 1 sees 'Brains' design a 'Hovercraft', and 'Tiger' accidentaly starts it, which leads to a massive slapstick chase through the studio and on  location. Episode 2 sees 'Doughnut' eat some 'Jelly' from an experiment by 'Brains'. He turns invisible, only to find out in the end it was a dream. A nice feature in this episode is scenes filmed in a toy shop. There are lots of advertising and displays of toys from that era including 'Triang','Sindy', and 'Major Matt Mason'. Nostalgic indeed, very nostalgic in fact. The only other 'DVD' viewed was 'Tropic Thunder' A clever idea, but it tries to be too clever and so loses some of its humour.

Something for the weekend.

Felt crap as usual all weekend. Played a bit of 'COD', but my hands quickly got too painful. Visited friends on Sunday morning, but even moaning to them about my problems did'nt relieve my anxiety. I did get a glimpse of 'Mass Effect 2' on the 'PS3', but did'nt know what to make of it. The TV highlights were very sparse to say the least. I did enjoy the 'Spat' between 'Aussie queerboy' Jason Gardner and the sexy 'Karen Barber' on the usualy bland 'Dancing on Ice'. I also watched the 'reimagining' of 'Hawaii 5 0' on 'Sky'. I dont usually watch these 'American' things as they all get a bit samey, but enjoyed it. Basically. 'Steve' sees his Father killed by a crime ring, and seeks revenge. He is helped by a 'Senator' who lets him form an 'above the law' task force to fight crime on the island. This allows him and the other members to torture and even kill suspects in a big face off at the end of each episode. They also bribe 'Informants', 'Hackers', ex cons' etc with ease when needing help.  The bad guys are so over the top, they would make good pantomime villians.  We also get to hear the line 'Book him Danno' and have the iconic theme tune to add to the shinnanigans. Not bad at all.

Pain,Fatigue, and worry.

I dont know which is worse today. The pain in my joints, the fatigue which is another part of my illness, or this nasty anxiety which is killing my brain. Played a bit of 'COD' until my hands got too painful, but my mind is all over the place. Anyway..................

Pop musicians play few chords to many people, while Jazz musicians play many chords to few people.

The matron at a school finds a used 'Johnny' in the playground. She announces this to the 100 pupils, and 99 go 'Oh my word' while 1 goes 'HaHaHaHa'. The matron then says 'but there was a hole in it'. 99 pupils go 'HaHaHaHa' while 1 goes 'Oh my word'.

'Aerobics' makes the heart grow..................................'Fonda'.

A Rabbit was giving instructions on crossing the road to the younger members of the pack. He said 'If you see a car, just stand between the headlights and curl up into a ball' The First young Rabbit does as he says, and the car goes over it safely and so on. After a few goes. One of the Rabbits does as instructed, but gets flattened. The old Rabbit says 'You don't see many Reliant Robins usually'.

Whats the difference between a 'Slimmer' and a 'Virgin'.? One's trying to diet..........................

Whats the difference between a 'Long distance runner and Fanny Cradock'.? .....................Ones a pant in the country.............................................

The neverending nightmare.

The Two post medication days just add to the misery. My equation looks like this......
Medication side effects+Arthritis+Anxiety and Depression=Suicidal.
They say sex is good therapy. Thats no good. I struggle to get my leg over literaly, and my wife has lost interest. I would love to go down on a Woman and do some studying. 'Biology' you say. I think of it more like 'English Cliterature'. Watched 'V For Vendetta' on 'Blu Ray' yesterday. I have seen this film many times both at the 'Cinema' and on 'DVD', but for the First time on 'Blu ray'. It is still a powerful piece, and the circumstances surrounding its release are just as interesting as the plot itself. It was disowned by the author of the original Graphic Novel, and the original Cinema release date was delayed fron 5th November 2005 to March 2006 as it was said to be too near to the 7/7  terrorist attacks. I read the Graphic Novel after seeing the film, and saw there were a few changes. Most were subtle, but were needed to make the narrative of the film flow better. The Graphic novel was rather bland in comparison, but good all the same. The plot about a 'Dystopian' future echoes '1984', which ironically was the year that the Graphic Novel was released. It was an attack on the 'Tory' policies at the time, and you can see similar events today. We have a 'Tory' government who did'nt get a majority, but still have gone like a 'Bull in a China shop' with idiosyncratic policies that appease the poor and help the rich. Perhaps the futuristic events of 'V For Vendetta' are closer than you think.

They came. We saw.

Well history was made last night as we finally beat the mighty 'Clifford' in the 'Quiz League' for the First time ever. They only turned up with Three players, but in contrast, we were without our regular captain who had gone to a 'Roxy Music' concert. We did have a friend of the captain as a sub so it was still Four against Three, but we realised that on the night the Three 'Park Gate' regulars would have still won. The 'Clifford' seem to be doing a 'Chelsea' this season,as in they usually win every game. This season they have now played 9, Won 6, Drawn 1, Lost 2. Even if we win our last few games, I dont think we can win the league, but Third is now possible again.
Feeling a bit 'crappy' today, with more pain, and the 'Shits'. I still wonder, will I ever again have a decent day where I feel reasonable?. My 'aching at the moment Gut' feeling is that the pain will always be there to some degree, so it is a balance of trying to keep it to a minimal level.